Ugly Truth XL

There's a difference in the way we; LOVE ,  Forgive  &  ReAct . I love you from a place where I don't want you to ever feel the way others treated me so I have learned to LOVE you from the inside out.  You love me from the outside in, scared to let me close enough. In fear that I'll treat you like they treated you. So in essence in your eyes... I'm just like them. The Only difference is... You Love me ( kinda ).  I forgive you for hurting me when you defend yourself from me, because in your hurt... I'm everyone who ever hurt you.  Don't know what kind of a marriage this is, But your friendship means the world to me.  I forgive you because you don't know how to fight when it comes to LOVE.  Because you will let me go instead of pulling me close. I forgive you when you don't hear me or listen to me which makes me feel that I'm not important. Because someone didn't take your feelings into consideration and...

Emotionless Love I Cried myself to sleep last night...   Yeah, I know you asked me if I was ok, But Your love has put me in a position that I'd rather lie about how I feel than to listen to you tell me that you care.  I feel emotionally detached from you. So when I hear love songs that stir up my REAL LOVE for you, I'm Silenced by the fact that I don't feel Important Enough to You to matter.  But, I realize why we keep bumping heads.  It's because I'm lying to myself that one day  you'll REALLY Love me the way I Love You! And you're lying to yourself thinking  you are Really doing the Work  that's barely keeping US together! If I can't talk to you about the Emotions you want me to hide,  why should I have to listen to yours when you could care less about Mine! I Love you so much that I have given you...  Way too Much Power over Me.  And your Not Worth me killing myself...  trying to save YOU! ...

Loving A Wayward Husband I've been up since 5:40am arguing with this man... To the point that I'm aggravated because of his insensitivity to a lot of things that could be avoided,  if he just does the Spiritual work that he claims he's active in, we wouldn't have these many issues. So as I'm looking through Pinterest to find a quote, a picture or something to express how I feel. I saw this... It expressed how I want him to be. He just told me that when I share my emotions with him,  when I share My Truth to him that all I did was force him to listen to my opinion.  I felt that he clearly devalued My Truth, My Feeling & My Emotions.  It felt like it didn't mean anything to him because it was just my verbal weight that I was releasing.  So as I continued to look for more pictures to express myself, I came across a pic that aggravated me even the more.  And my thoughts of "God, it's NOT FAIR" stung my eyes as I tried ...

The Husband I’ve Been AWAITING Today I was thinking about what got us to this place. I started to think about how I fell in love with you. I feel like I've loved you all my life. I remember the 1st time I heard you pray, the 1st time you spoke in tongue, the 1st time you thanked God for sending you a God fearing Woman who would Love, Respect & Honor you Faithfully. US! I REMEMBER You …  US! I remember when you use to Love me as if I were your Own, like a gift that you cherished and adored because you knew that I was her... Ÿour Rib! I remember you saying recently that you just want us to go back. Back to that time where we prayed and loved each other and It was a pure love for one another and GOD was in the midst of ALL we were and wanted to be. HOW did we get here from there? Let’s look together because maybe you didn't see that when you left New Jersey... Your real journey through your past would attach itself to you and exchange your Genuine Love to ta...

I    RELEASE   YOU! I'm not stupid you know,  I know that you've moved on & everything you've said last week about Us being a One again, was again probably a  lie . You do that so well. But, I'm not upset with you because I did it to myself. Loving you more than you deserved. Loving You Flaws and All. Loving the You that  you  didn't Love. Loving You pass the hurt... because I believe in  Us !     I know I said I don't know how to stop loving you but I found that God does,  HE  knows how to help me to  Heal . But because of my love for you, I'm finally strong enough to let go & release you. I Release You  from  MY  Heart ,  so someone else can love  ME . I Release You  from  MY Prayers ,  so someone else can appreciate Me. I Release You  from  This Soul Tie ,  that was a God ordained...

How Did I Get To This Place? I was wondering how did I get to this place?  This place where there is no he, no me....     NO We! We told each other that there will never be another because all we wanted was each other. As best friends, husband and wife and as lovers. He was my SupaMann, my BamBam, my Happily Ever After. My customized Gift from God that was just for me, my Smile wrapped in my Laughter. But then the day came that TRUTH would jostle us around, move us about and kick one of us to the curb because conforming to ways that weren’t GOD was NOT what our lives were destined to be about. He didn’t see that the division crept in unaware and that’s when our fight together was now against each other. Blows of discord, division and disrespect. Lies & manipulation was a part of this segregation. Now there is no hesitation in this divorce that we seem to be facing… Knowing that God isn’t pleased with that but how can I ...

This Is M 3 ! Been looking for the Real M3 for quite some time,  looking for me in; the  Molested  Little Girl, the  Raped  Youth, the  Confused  Teen, the  Broken  Young Lady, the  Damaged  Woman, the  Fearful  Mother, the  Undone  Wife... I wanted Love so bad that I started to look for it in the wrong faces & the wrong places, I didn't know, who I really was because I didn't know... that the LOVE that I was looking for couldn't be found in People, Places or Things.  I looked high and low for Love and found that HURT People...  HURT People . I thought that someones Love was able to fix the me inside that looked Abused & Shattered. Today as I reflect on the Life that is given unto me, I see... It was  NEVER about ME ! All the Love that I was looking for in huMANs was Not Love... It was my trying to be accepted, wanted & trying to ...

What my  Silence               wants to Say! What can I say to the ONLY Man that I have given 100% of M3 to? I wonder if you miss me, if you think about me as much as I think about you.  I wonder if you play over and over in your mind, the day we held each other and said DIVORCE is not an OPTION  So we’ll be ok, we’ll be just fine. But we are here in this place… how did we get here into this space…? Why couldn’t you stick up for me… why did you lie on me…  why couldn’t you talk to me,  why couldn’t you be true… Why couldn’t you Love me, I mean LOVE ME for real. Was it because you just didn’t love you?   Did you ever love me; did you ever mean anything you said. What happened to your love that caused me to be in a bitter nonSpirtual web? You are just full of Lies and deceit and a life without GOD. Was my pushing you to love him what made you slip and fall? And ...